and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
