GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
