Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
