I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
