you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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