Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
