Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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