Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
