Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
