I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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