if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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