my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
