I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
