you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
