just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
