And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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