sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
