i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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