I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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