Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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