I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
