Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
