Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
