break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
