I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
