I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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