I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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