She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
