Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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