wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
