***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
