there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Shame - the story of my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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