ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
