Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Randomize
