so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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