Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
