there was a trapeze. enough said
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
