He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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