Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
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I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All the doctor said was why
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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