he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
