My room smells like vodka and shame
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fuck me I smell like cheese
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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