I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
