I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
