i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I forget how to act sober
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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