Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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