Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
