I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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