1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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