Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
