Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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