You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
