When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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