Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
