I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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