Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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