New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
