i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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