dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
