I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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