hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
