Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
