reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
