So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
