Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
