So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
