Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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