well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
