I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize