Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
