I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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