my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
