i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize