As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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