My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
