I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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