You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
not ubering you a puppy
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
