so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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