i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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