So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
