Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
