I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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