i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
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Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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