My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The ass gains better be worth it
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