We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
